Insurance/Organized Crime (more thoughts)

Is there really that much of a difference? Insurance began as a wonderful idea. A truly generous, magnanimous and world-changing concept. Someone once told me that the original idea for insurance came from a group of Chinese fishermen, who would each put aside one fish from their day’s haul to give to the fisherman who … Read more

Buy It, Buy It Now!

Buy it, even though we’re not going to tell you anything about it. Advertising doesn’t have to be as weird as it is. It could just be companies listing what products they sell. It once WAS just companies listing what products they sell. That ad strategy makes sense, is simple and tells people who want … Read more

Are These Really the Guys We Want Controlling Time?

I’ve never really understood Daylight Savings Time. It’s always just been this weird thing that creeps up on you twice a year where you either get to fall back to sleep for a short morning nap or spring ahead to face your day a little less rested than you were last week. Much like what … Read more

The Only Path Forward: Vicious Bipartisanship

The Sadists’ Plan for a Better Tomorrow A popular political buzzword of our time is “Bipartisanship.” It sounds like a good idea. It smells like a good idea. It probably IS a good idea. It’s also damn near impossible. Recently, far too many Americans have begun to define themselves based on their hatred of one … Read more

Irony at the Gas Pumps

Irony is everywhere in modern America — even at our gas pumps. I was at a gas pump earlier today, filling my tank with petroleum and corn, when I glanced above the pump and noticed a small, rectangular, faded PSA sign that perfectly epitomizes what’s wrong with the country right now. I read it. I … Read more

The Absolute, Completely, Truly Worst Idea Ever

Throughout history there have been some really terrible ideas. Some have been harmless and silly: our founding fathers making powdered wigs made from horse hair an essential fashion choice for leading a fledgling nation, hot tub buffets, professional bowling, and the invention and brief popularity of the Unimotorcycle come to mind. Many of these really … Read more

If Corporations Are People…

If corporations are people, as the Supreme Court of the United States ruled in one of its shadier, more dangerous, rulings, more than a decade ago, then: How come I can’t hug Exxon Mobil? How come Boeing never sends me birthday presents? How come The Keebler Elves never show up at my house to borrow … Read more

What the Hell Happened to Parking?

Parking has gotten all kinds of strange lately. It was kind of strange to begin with. Why we’ve let people tell us that temporarily resting our cars on asphalt needs to cost money is beyond me. Why we all comply with the idea that a resting car must be nestled between two similarly-colored paint lines … Read more

Less Obvious Stuff We Should Hate Donald Trump For

Sure, it’s easy to hate Trump for tear-gassing peaceful protestors, locking brown children in cages, attempting to shred the Constitution, or just being incredibly stupid and callous, but let’s expand our horizons a little. There are thousands of reasons to hate this guy. 1) He’s taken all of the fun out of Conspiracy Theories. I … Read more

Police Reform Ideas

Ok, we understand that we need to change this, but how? With the aid of hindsight, I can’t believe we didn’t see this one coming. Police brutality wasn’t invented a few years ago. Black American anger didn’t just begin to simmer a few weeks ago. This isn’t ALL a Covid thing, but that certainly hasn’t … Read more