Bowen Craig They’ve been called a lot of different names over the years: ad guys, mad men, spin doctors, Satan’s little helpers. And those are just a few. These are the people who tell us what to buy, where to buy it, and how it will make us cooler and more attractive to the opposite sex. They … Read more
Your morning bathroom routine, much like your ear hair, is something that never stops growing until you die. By my reckoning, this process, when fully explored over the course of an average American lifetime, slowly grows, then dips greatly, then begins its true slow rise from a process that takes roughly ten minutes every morning … Read more
I read a newspaper article a few months ago about an Amish guy and his stalwart band of reeeeaaaallllyyy un-merry men who got arrested for forcibly cutting off the beards and pony-tails of other Amish people he accused of not being Amish enough. NOT AMISH ENOUGH? Let that sink in for a second. That’s like … Read more
The League of Women Voters took a circuitous path to its current mission. It began The League of Women Moaters, a traveling moat upkeep operation, which suffered mightily to stay profitable, mainly due to America’s severe lack of castles. Next it became The League of Women Motorists, and was taunted so mercilessly that it quickly … Read more
Two Wisconsin gas stations are suing a local competitor for selling gas at TOO LOW A PRICE. For real, this is actually happening, at a time when everyone is overpaying for gas, mainly because of opportunism. Apparently there is a law in the Badger State, Wisconsin’s Unfair Sales Act, that prevents stores from selling products … Read more
America’s Cable Guys’ Strange Power Trip I was getting out of my car in my apartment complex parking lot and I saw a cable van. I don’t mean a van made of cables, though that would be cooler and, this being Athens, with our art-cars, not entirely outside of the realm of possibility. I don’t … Read more
God does not have a gender. HE’S not a dude. SHE’S not a chick. THEY’RE not a transgender person of indiscriminate genital-orientation. Period. We anthropomorphize everything. Cartoon turtles on TV ads lecturing their co-workers about the value of certain auto insurance policies. We describe interlocking building materials as having “the male part” and “the female … Read more
Like the rest of the country over the age of thirty (except for the uber-right wingers), I listen to a lot of NPR. Not on purpose. It’s not like I mean to. It’s just a fall-back radio plan, a default. When there’s no particular music I want to hear, when I can’t find someone on … Read more
I hate it when the news reports on something offensive that some famous guy said…and then doesn’t mention the offensive something. Don’t get me wrong, I love it as much as the next guy when, in an unscripted moment of rare celebrity honesty, Justin Bieber is caught on tape professing his hatred for Asian midgets, … Read more
or (alternative title) We’re All Aging, We’re Just Doing It Wrong Despite what The Disney Channel, “The National Enquirer” and your mother told you, aging isn’t everything. Reporters seem intent on mentioning their subjects’ ages, even when the article has nothing to do with age. We have these pre-set notions about what we’re supposed to … Read more