My doctor gave me an absurd “living will” to sign that said “I want people to be cheery around me and, essentially, put on a happy face when I am dying.” WHAT? Don’t they care that they are losing me? Do we have to have a happy death followed by a celebration of life funeral where absolutely no one can cry because we are celebrating? MUST we pretend we won’t miss them? We could have a funeral where at the door they declare “be sure not to cry” if that’s what we want, instead of insisting we paste happiness over any grief. We have to LIE and make it a celebration to be sure no one is genuine.
Does that new funeral philosophy reflect the shallow lives we all live to avoid feeling any pain
whatsoever? Both the community and the newly dead? Is that “Something he would want?” Why?
No “I only find a small sad comfort in the deep sadness of others” is what would comfort me. That should be said by every widow forced to smile in celebration so that the community is sure to feel no pain or loss. She has to protect the community, and take care of them, and wall herself off. Show no grief. INSANE.
The mantra of these celebration-of-life-at-funerals people is “The soul is eternal and lives forever”. Oh, my grief actually comes from not knowing that and the sudden “insight” takes care of that grief. I didn’t have the proper spiritual orientation and now that I do, there is no grief? My bad.
Has the world gone completely insane — or has a deadening, pablum approach to life taken over? Does this eternal happiness approach come from the widespread use of psychotropic drugs that drowns out any genuine depth of living?
Here’s why I would grieve should I become a widow. I will never again experience the warmth of his body next to mine when we sleep entwined every night. I will never know his perfect touch again or see his beautiful hands. Look at the statue of David. Those are his perfect hands. I will never again sit for morning coffee facing the curve of the river watching the sunrise over the hills that look just like the North Georgia mountains. I will never again see that look of love and adoring in his eyes. Or feel the peace and kindness that exudes from his soul. Or hear his unique perspective on life. His wisdom that guides me. I will never again be able to go to him for advice in a weighty situation where I need his unique point of view. I will never again be taken care of by him in the way that only he can do. He nourished my little neglected inner girl, and he met at the level of the woman I am. He knew me like no one ever has.
That’s why I grieve. So what that his soul lives on forever? Ashes. Meaningless. That’s for God, not me. I’m still here on this earth without him. And that’s nothing to ever celebrate.